Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
