I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
