I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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