Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
