i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
