There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
