Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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