There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
