wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
