my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
