I puked a lego.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
