What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
