Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
