Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
