The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
