They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
