I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
