You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
