Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
