Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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