Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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