if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
