why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just invented taco cereal.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
