A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
