yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
