There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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