pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
