You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
