So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
