I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
