Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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