He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
