Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
