3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
