How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
