I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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