i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
