He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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