Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
