in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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