12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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