so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
