I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
