walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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