Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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