I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
