i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
