Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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