Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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