; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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