Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
